Akatsuki Pasttimes
by Re Lupo
Summary: Akatsuki, super villains or idiots, you decide
1. Chapter 1

Alright, since I'm having serious writers block and my reviewers are starting to complain bout the lack of updates, I've decided to try crack in the meantime to appease yall.

This will contain random crossovers in certain chapters, DBZ and Finding Nemo for instance.

First chapter: Tobi is a good boy!

Deidara was pissed to say the least, Tobi had to get them into these kinda things. He didn't know how or why but whenever Tobi was around he always got the short end of the deal.

It didn't help that Hidan was laughing at him.

And it was all because of that stupid cloud!!

He glared at the obstinate yellow cloud as it hovered just above the ground.

Tobi had rushed into the main room at the base to show off a jutsu he created to everyone. Deidara should have done the smart thing and left the room like Kakuzu, Itachi, Pein, Konan, Itachi, Zetsu, and Kisame had done.

But no he stayed with Sasori-danna, and Hidan.

Thee jutsu had been pretty cool at first, a bright swirling mass of colors was emitted and he knew Sasori-danna was about to compliment its artistic beauty when they were all sucked into it.

The vortex spit them out in a wide clearing somewhere they didn't recognize. To add to the peculiarity there was a small boy in an orange gi, with black spiky hair sitting on a yellow cloud of all things.

Tobi and Goku,(apparently the kids name) hit it off immediately.

They exchanged favorite foods, snacks, fishing tricks among other things before Tobi finally asked about the damn cloud.

Goku had said it was called nimbus and only pure hearted people could ride it.

Hidan dared him to do it. Oh how he wished he had declined but when Sasori challenged his masculinity he ran and jumped towards it.

Only to fall through immediately much to the amusement of Hidan, Sasori being an emo said nothing, the bastard.

Tobi had laughed as well and with a quick jump landed on the cloud and stayed there. He danced a little jig before pointing at Deidara.

"Tobi can do it cause he's a good boy Deidara-sempai!"

Damn him to hell.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two of Akatsuke Pastimes,

Ok this is a special two for one, just for the holidays.

Deidara sighed as he rested atop the rock formation, far away from the base and the ever annoying Tobi. It was a pity that Sasori-danna had been killed by those Konoha and Suna ninja.

Now who would he argue about art with. He shrugged noncommittally and idly watched the sunset. Sasori had died and he lived, that meant he won the contest, his art allowed him to survive, Sasori wasn't as fortunate.

Itachi and Kisame were supposed to be arriving on base sometime soon. He figured he'd wait here then walk back with them when they were in sight.

The soft patter of feet alerted him to a new presence.

"Umm Deidara-sempai?"

Oh great it was Tobi, the annoying twit. Deidara turned to face him and noticed he was looking glum even with the mask, he was shifting from leg to leg and looking up at him before redirecting his gaze to the ground.

Deidara groaned feeling a headache starting to form

"Ok Tobi, what did you do?"

Tobi if possible became even more nervous as he idly hopped from foot to foot.

"I kinda ate your porridge Deidara-sempai."

Now that confused Deidara, he didn't remember having any porridge. That feeling of doom and dread was building up in his stomach again as he knew he was going to regret asking.

"What porridge Tobi?"

"The porridge you left on your art bench Deidara-sempai."

Deidara thought for a moment before he paled, and screamed at Tobi.

"YOU IDIOT THAT WAS LEFTOVER C-4 CLAY!"

Tobi muttered an oops right before the whole rock formation exploded.

(Two miles out)

Kisame looked up at the growing cloud in the sky, as he and Itachi walked towards the base.

"Hey Itachi-san isn't that-"

"Yes."

"Shouldn't we-"

"No."

"Okay."

With that they continued walking, ignoring the loud curses and muffled screams for help.

**Hotel scene Itachi and Kisame confront Naruto** (the alternate version).

A soft knock awoke Naruto from his light slumber as he moaned and rolled out of bed. Putting on his sandals he stalked to the door and opened it.

He was greeted with the sight of two very intimidating people in black cloaks with red clouds.

The shorter of the two, with red eyes remarkably similar to Sasuke-teme's, spoke.

"Please come with us, Naruto-kun"

Naruto took a step back, not wanting to go anywhere with either of them. He'd have to fight, but they looked tough.

So in true Naruto fashion he did the one move that almost always got him out of a tight jam.

"Oiroke no Jutsu!"

Transforming into a busty blonde, naked, female Naruto posed provocatively at the two stunned Akatsuki members

(Five minutes later)

"No, no, no, no, no!"

Itachi was dragging Naruto down the hallway by his hand, a rather scandalized look on his normally apathetic visage.

"That's it Naruto-kun you're coming home with us right now."

Behind him Kisame followed, a pleading look on his face.

"Come on Itachi-san let me have him for just one night, just one night!"

As he was dragged away, Naruto wondered why the Oiroke no jutsu didn't affect Itachi like it did Kisame


End file.
